It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
