he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
