I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
