I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
