no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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