She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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