man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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