I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I can't turn off my feet"
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
