you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
