whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
ttyl tear gas
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
