I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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