My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
