his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
