i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
