I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
