Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
it hurts more in the daytime
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
