I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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