The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
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Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
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You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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