how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
