i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
