I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
