im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
