I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize