I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Randomize
