So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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