i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
