God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
