I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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