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I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
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