i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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