I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
