There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
How does it feel to date your dad?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
