Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Randomize
