I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
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