I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
