why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
