I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
