I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
