i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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