so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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