left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Randomize
