i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
