My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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