I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
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She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
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I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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