My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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