A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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