Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
