Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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