I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Also, beer. Big fan.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Randomize
