I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
