just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
