ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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