i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
