my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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