grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
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Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
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See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
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