I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
