You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i barfeds in our rink
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Randomize
