did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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