You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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