I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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