Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
