Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
