What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
