so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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