Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
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They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
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Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
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