you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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