Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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