So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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