I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
