I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
