She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Randomize
