The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
