I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I love you. Go after that dick
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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