1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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