garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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