Screwed.edu
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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