Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
