He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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