i jhust puked up my retainher.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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