There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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