I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
