Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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